How Fights Start

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said,'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said,

'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her some bathroom scales.

And then the fight started...

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive...

....so, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started...

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my Driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said,

'You should have dropped your trousers. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife,'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

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I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason took my order first.

"I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment...'

The husband replied,

'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started